The Only Living Boy in Arkham

Spins Madly On

2009-02-09T21:02:00.001-08:00

Hadn't been thinking about her for awhile; hopes & dreams of someone else taking up my thoughts, you know. Then the day after her birthday, she came into my head again, didn't know why. Only occurred to me that next evening I'd forgotten her birthday & felt happy & sad in moving on ... finally. In the four days since then, thoughts and memories of her have seemed to flood over me ... not exclusively her, mind you, but more so than recently.

Today, the convergence of a card from someone else, which was good, and, later on, the unfortunate, "sighting" of her, which couldn't have been helped really. Foresaw the possibility of the latter some time ago, but what to do about it till now? And, perhaps, if it hadn't happened in conjunction with the other thing ... well, whose to say.

Just didn't want a reminder of her today ... I wanted "some quiet place / Where never fell [her] foot or shone [her] face...," but, instead, I "... stand stricken, so remembering [her]."

such great heights

2008-02-18T05:17:00.000-08:00

Think I know what the problem has been … I came down from such great heights.

Didn't want to but it just happened; now how do I get back up there.

love, 15—coda

2008-02-17T23:54:00.000-08:00

Two by David Gray

"The One I Love"

"This Year's Love"

hope both will be true

if only…

2008-02-14T22:02:00.000-08:00

I could be on the beach at Sydney Bay

46 days of … I don't know what, not exactly hell (close though)

Right, enough whining, head down, push on

current music: "He's on the Beach"—Kirstie MacColl -> "Ashes"—Embrace

love, 14

2008-02-14T00:41:00.000-08:00

"No, no, it is not man's nature. I will not allow it to be more man's nature than woman's to be inconstant and forget those they do love, or have loved. I believe the reverse. I believe in a true analogy between our bodily frames and our mental; and that as our bodies are the strongest, so are our feelings; capable of bearing most rough usage, and riding out the heaviest weather." — from Persuasion, Jane Austen

love, 13

2008-02-13T00:12:00.000-08:00

SHE walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that 's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

"She Walks in Beauty"—George Gordon, Lord Byron

love, 12

2008-02-12T00:15:00.000-08:00

What's so wrong
Why the face so long
Is it over?
And where you going that
you no longer belong here?
And distance tells you that
distance must come between love
Where have you been, Luv?
When the mistake we made
Was in never having planned to fall in love, Luv
Singing this song
Singing along
Makes it easier for me to see you go
But in doing so
In letting you go
It only serves to show me
that I'm still in love with you
Singing this song
Singing along
Makes it easier for me to see you go
But in doing so
It only serves to show me
that I'm still in love with you
So what's so wrong
Why the face?
So long!
Are you changing?
And where you been to that
you no longer remember?
And distance tells you that
distance must come between love
Where have you been, Luv?
It's just the chance we took
Having never ever planned to fall in love, Luv
It's just the chance we took
Having never ever planned to fall in love, Luv
It's just the chance we took
Having never ever planned to fall in love, Luv
Luv

"Luv" by Travis, from The Man Who

love, 11

2008-02-11T00:03:00.000-08:00

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
—Charlie Brown, Peanuts [Charles M. Schulz]

love, 10

2008-02-10T00:11:00.001-08:00

love, 9

2008-02-09T01:10:00.000-08:00

"She's the One" by World Party

love, 8

2008-02-08T00:08:00.000-08:00

They’re both convinced 
that a sudden passion joined them. 
Such certainty is beautiful, 
but uncertainty is more beautiful still.

Since they’d never met before, they’re sure
that there’d been nothing between them. 
But what’s the word from the streets, staircases, hallways—
perhaps they’ve passed by each other a million times?

I want to ask them
if they don’t remember— 
a moment face to face
in some revolving door?
perhaps a “sorry” muttered in a crowd?
a curt “wrong number” caught in the receiver?
but I know the answer. 
No, they don’t remember.

They’d be amazed to hear
that Chance has been toying with them
now for years.

Not quite ready yet 
to become their Destiny,
it pushed them close, drove them apart,
it barred their path, 
stifling a laugh,
and then leaped aside.

There were signs and signals, 
even if they couldn’t read them yet.
Perhaps three years ago 
or just last Tuesday

a certain leaf fluttered 
from one shoulder to another?
Something was dropped and then picked up. 
Who knows, maybe the ball that vanished
into childhood’s thicket?

There were doorknobs and doorbells 
where one touch had covered another 
beforehand.

Suitcases checked and standing side by side.
One night, perhaps, the same dream 
grown hazy by morning.

Every beginning
is only a sequel, after all, 
and the book of events
is always open halfway through.

—"Love At First Sight" by Wislawa Szymborska

love, 7

2008-02-07T00:02:00.000-08:00

"You have to grow up," she finally said. "That's all: my own unlucky boy, didn't you ever think maybe ours is an act too? We're older than you, we lived inside you once: the fifth rib, closest to the heart. We learned all about it then. After that it had to become our game to nourish a heart you all believe is hollow though we know different. Now you all live inside us, for nine months, and when ever you decide to come back after that."—V. Thomas Pynchon

love, 6

2008-02-06T00:07:00.000-08:00

let's pretend that we can still pretend
let's pretend that we are young again
i am only looking for a friend
let's pretend that we are young again

i drink for all the secrets that you seek
i drink for all the memories you keep
i drink for all the dreams you'll never dream
i drink for all the planets in between

believe me when i say i love you dear
believe me when i tell you not to fear
that autumn morning everything was clear
believe me when i tell you not to fear

a dollar for the country that i knew
a dollar for an afternoon with you
i know i've seen my best days, you've seen them too
a dollar for the country that i knew

"eulogy" by the hereafter

love, 5

2008-02-05T00:13:00.000-08:00

In love, unlike most other passions, the recollection of what you have had and lost is always better than what you can hope for in the future.—Stendhal, De l'Amour

love, 4

2008-02-04T00:42:00.001-08:00

cause love should be like web-slinging with your favorite superhero crush

love, 3

2008-02-03T00:54:00.000-08:00

Aedh wishes for the Cloths of Heaven

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

love, 2

2008-02-02T00:20:00.001-08:00

"Haunted" by Shane McGowan and the Popes featuring Sinead O'Connor

love, 1

2008-02-01T01:56:00.000-08:00

"Pure" by The Lightning Seeds

the diving bell

2008-01-31T19:32:00.000-08:00

Since Sunday I've been working hard at a job that pays me nothing & I still have a long way to go before I'm even close to finished. I've figured out I'm about 16.7% finished; okay, the Excel spreadsheet I created to do the math gives me that number. I have a self-imposed deadline of 1 April, which means excluding whatever work I do this evening, I've got sixty days to complete the remaining 83.3% of my work. Problem: I need a real job by mid-February or rent for March will be in danger. My resume is on Monster, which has actually yielded two leads--okay, I don't want to sell insurance or really work shipping/receiving again but maybe I can wedge a temp job(s) to pay the bills and, in the meantime, hope the NY job comes through for April. I know what I want and, pray God, it will all work out. Till then my horoscope basically says—the work I do early in the year will pay off come April & May. That feels about right ... believe it will happen. Which means, I need to get back to work, do what I can tonight, tomorrow, Saturday. Think I might reach my goal of 20% overall before Sunday, which means I can veg & watch Superbowl with a clean conscious. Also have friend plans for Friday & Saturday night. Nothing profound here, just working out what I can, words make things real. Now let's see if I can get this neverending story a little closer to its resolution, or—to use a better metaphor— raise the diving bell a feet closer to the surface.

current song: "Neverending Story" by Limahl

note: no butterflies here

23

2008-01-23T23:17:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've noticed the number 23 arising with great frequency in my life. This has nothing to do with the Jim Carrey movie (which I haven't seen, but hear is a bad psycho-horror-drama). No, for me, 23 is good. First, and foremost, it is my birth date. As for the other occurrences, well, let's just say that I can't quite correlate them all here, just be satisfied they exist. I started 2008 expecting it would be a good year for me, or at least better than the previous 16 months had been (which wouldn't be hard). And it has, but for the past week or so, I think I've lost a bit of that focus. Things have dropped off a bit; I guess that is to be expected--can't always be on can you? The thing is ... I do want to be always on. I want the "happily ever after" or, at the very least, nearly so.

All of which to say (in an incoherent, rambling way), I need to get back on track. Expect good things—great things—to happen everyday & somehow, strangely enough, I think the number 23—in all its uncorrelated occurrences—will play some small roll in it all. But an active, conscious expectation of great things is the first, necessary step. Just need to keep this in mind.

So today, 23 Jan, things didn't go perfectly at all, but I did send off a story ... and finished the night enjoying a small bottle of 12-year-old Scotch that I received nearly two years ago, but vowed not to drink until I had accomplished various tasks, the last of which was to write and submit a story for publication. That I did, cheers darlin'

so, tomorrow … something good will happen, now to bed

tomorrow … now to sleep

tomorrow …

current music: "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane

Life's a Song … maybe a sequel & love at first sight, too

2008-01-15T23:01:00.000-08:00

So first post of the New Year, though I don't suppose anyone has ever read this blog ... maybe a few have stumbled upon it. It's been a good year so far: have been succeeding for the most part in all the things I wanted to, but today was a humbling day; Lord knows, I sometimes just don't make good decisions. Trying to shake it off and look forward to the future: hope the good stuff continues to happen with fewer & fewer set-backs. Still think the story is ready, so maybe this weekend in L.A. I'll print it out & send it off.

Despite everything I still think there's more good things about to happen for me throughout 2008 ... or, rather, more of it to come. Just need to buckle down a bit, get some discipline, & follow through with things (everything).

Whose to say what the future may hold—
Every beginning
 is only a sequel, after all, 
and the book of events
 is always open halfway through.— from "Love at First Sight," Wislawa Szymborska

Current Song: "Life's a Song," by Patrick Park

life & opinions … song(s) of the year

2007-12-27T10:30:00.000-08:00

a list of 64 songs, new & old, that ended up in heavy-rotation at some point during the past year, for whatever reason:
(in alphabetical order)

9 Crimes—Damien Rice
100,000 Fireflies—The Magnetic Fields
Age of Consent—Kevin Drew
Ain't No Reason—Brett Dennen
All That I Want—The Weepies
April Skies—The Jesus & Mary Chain
Back For Good—Take That
Body Of Water—Billy Bragg
Born In The U.K.—Badly Drawn Boy
Breathe—Michelle Branch
Call It Love—Poco
Coconut Skins—Damien Rice
Comfort Me—Vertigo Smyth
Daisy Crown—Stella by Starlight
Darling, Please Come Home—Math And Physics Club
Degrees Of Separation—Badly Drawn Boy
Desire—Ryan Adams
despite what you've been told—Two Gallants
Do You Keep a Diary—Math And Physics Club
Dogs—Damien Rice
Easy Easy—Stella by Starlight
Eve, The Apple Of My Eye—Bell X1
Falling Slowly—The Swell Season
Fix You—Coldplay
Foundations—Kate Nash
The Healing Game—Van Morrison
Heartbroke—The Good Life
I Told You So—Ocean Colour Scene
I'm Not Sorry—Test Your Reflex
Journey From A To B—Badly Drawn Boy
Life's a Song—Patrick Park
The Midnight Choir—The Thrills
Misty Morning, Albert Bridge—The Pogues
A Murder of One—Counting Crows
Navy Taxi—Kate Nash
New Amsterdam—Travis
Noelly—Palmer, AK
Nothing Precious At All—Stereophonics
One Last Dance—Badly Drawn Boy
Other Side Of The World—KT Tunstall
Pull Shapes—The Pipettes
Quelqu'un m'a dit—Carla Bruni
Rainy Night in Soho—The Pogues
Rootless Tree—Damien Rice
The Saddest Story Ever Told—The Magnetic Fields
Silver Lining—Rilo Kiley
Sleeping—The Swell Season
Somebody's Baby—Jackson Browne
A Sorta Fairytale—Tori Amos
Star Star—The Frames
Stolen—Dashboard Confessional
The Story—Brandi Carlile
Streams Of Whiskey—The Pogues
Tank Park Salute—Billy Bragg
This Year—The Thrills
Too Close to Heaven—The Waterboys
Under The Moonlight—Travis
Waiting on an Angel—Ben Harper
When You Were My Baby—The Magnetic Fields
When You Were Young—The Killers
When Your Mind's Made Up—The Swell Season
Woke Up New—The Mountain Goats
You'll Never Find Me—Ocean Colour Scene
Your Love—The Outfield

had a shitty year?

2007-12-26T19:32:00.000-08:00

yes, yes I did, but here's a list of things that made it a little easier
(in no particular order)

Doctor Strange: The Oath (Graphic Novel)
Spider-man Loves Mary Jane, Vol. 1, Oversized HC (Graphic Novel)
Teenager, The Thrills (CD)
Great Expectations & A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens (Book)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book)
Once (Film & OMPS)
Baby I'm Yours EP & Math and Physics Club LP, Math and Physics Club
Pogues @ Showbox SODO, 17 Oct.
Stella by Starlight, self-titled EP (available now on iTunes)
Vertigo Smyth, www.myspace.com/vertigosmyth, Irish singer-songwriter
Avengers #26
Ms. Marvel (Comic Series)
Thor (Comic Series)
The Sinestro War (Comic Event)
We Are The Pippettes, The Pippettes (CD, not superb musically but really, really fun)
Project Runway (TV)
Podcasts
• Around Comics
• iFanboy
• Pardon the Interruption
• NY Times Book Review
• Guardian, various (UK)
• Mark Kermode Film Reviews (BBC Five Live)

yes, yes i have geek tendencies

found it a weak year for TV, have been sort-of watching the following: Chuck, Heroes, Journey Man, Deal or No Deal, Top Chef, Pushing Daisies, House M.D., and Bionic Woman.

By far the best single TV episode of the year is from the Bionic Woman, where Jaime Sommers goes undercover on a college campus as an English exchange student for no other reason than to allow the lovely and talented Michelle Ryan (also to be seen in Cashback) to use her native accent.

Will attempt to catch up with Dr. Who & Torchwood on DVD, sometime in 2008.

As for films, didn't get out to the movies much this year, partially due to ... well, it's partly why 2007 was so shitty (two long intertwined stories not to be covered here), still I did like: Sunshine, Cashback, Becoming Jane, Enchanted, Stardust, The Mist (until the very downbeat ending) … that's all I can think of for the moment. Oh, Pirates ... dumb fun, not much else.

I assure you, I did read more than just comic books this year, but nothing that *Wowed* me. Mostly my tastes are confined to Penguin Classics and/or stories with some "fantastic" element, and I don't think I'll waver from that in the immediate future.

Finally, I am a Marvel Zombie, but World War Hulk, fell flat at the end, particularly in comparison to The Sinestro War; here's hoping Secret Invasion is better … please.

Fairytale of New York

2007-12-24T22:59:00.000-08:00

really, the best Christmas song ever …

"making love on the edge of a knife ...

2007-12-23T00:20:00.000-08:00

and the world comes tumbling down"

if only I heard this song some 16 months ago ...
okay, probably wouldn't have mattered much anyway
damn hindsight & why do I always have to be such the late bloomer

current song: "April Skies," by The Jesus and Mary Chain

this is what love should be

2007-12-20T20:17:00.000-08:00

the healing game

2007-12-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

I think it time to begin anew

"In the deserts of the heart / Let the healing fountains start, / In the prison of his days, / Teach the free man how to praise."
--W.H. Auden, “In Memory of W B Yeats”

current song: "The Healing Game" by Van Morrison